Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
