i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
