it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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