the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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