Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
