life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize