so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
