My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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