this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
