apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
