I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
