I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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