So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
