Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize