I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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