My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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