so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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