Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
