Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
