babies were throwing up all over the place
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
