I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
