End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
