I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
