Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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