? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
