No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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