just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
