i don't like sucking hair
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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