Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
