I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
