the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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