i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
