i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
