Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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