I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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