He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
