I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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