do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
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I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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