Kiss
Puke
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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