Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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