woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
