I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
