They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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