I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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