Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
