Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
