He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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