It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You ruined the universe
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
