so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
