why didn't you poke me back
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
