I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
