I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
