Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize