it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
