I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize