3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
