a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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