i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize