so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
