Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
