So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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