It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
