You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This house was built for laser tag.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
