Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
