I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
