He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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