ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
