dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
