The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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