I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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