I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
