Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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