I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
