If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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