You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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