I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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