my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
