I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
