Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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