Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
