hotel room ftw
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
