You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
