Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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