We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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