so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
